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dmg-0138
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animals.txt
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1997-04-16
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Instrument Flying for Animal Lovers:
Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is
another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become
apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have
large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the "Cat and Duck Method" of
instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to
have a great deal of merit by those who have not tried it. No reports
have been received from those who did try it, and none are expected.
Pilots are invited to assess its merits objectively.
Basic rules for the C&D Method of instrument flight are fairly
will known and are extremely simple. Here's how it's done:
1. Place a live cat on the cockpit floor; because a cat always
remains upright. it can be used in lieu of a needle and ball. Merely
watch to see which way the cat leans to determine if a wing is low and
if so, which one.
2. The duck is used for instrument approach and landing. Because
of the fact that any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument
conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the plane
and follow it to the ground.
There are some limitations to the Cat and Duck Method, but by
rigidly adhering to the following checklist, a degree of success will
be achieved which will surely startle you, your passengers, and even
an occasional tower operator.
1. Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up at
all. It may be necessary to carry a large dog in the cockpit to keep
the cat at attention.
2. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all their
time washing. Trying to follow a washing cat usually results in a
tight snap roll followed by an inverted spin.
3. Use old cats only. Young cats have nine lives, but old,
used-up cats with only one life left have just as much to lose as you
do and will be more dependable.
4. Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that you are
using the cat to stay upright, it will refuse to leave without the
cat. Ducks are no better in IFR conditions than you are.
5. Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks
sometimes fail to realize that they are on the guages and go flogging
off in the nearest hill. Very nearsighted ducks will not realize that
they have been thrown out and will descend to the ground in a sitting
position. This maneuver is difficult to follow in an airplane.
6. Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break out
and find yourself on final for a rice paddy, particularly if there are
duck hunters around. Duck hunters suffer from temporary insanity
while sitting in freezing weather in the blinds and will shoot at
anything that flies.
7. Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks with
geese because many water birds look alike. While they are very
competent instrument flyers, geese seldom want to go in the same
direction as you.
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